The good thing about today: I did not go to sleep with gum in my mouth and wake up with it in my hair.
Welcome to Crazytown. Feel free to take a nibble, or just RUN, RUN AWAY.
A. Was shaking due to exhaustion when I woke up. Am now doing so again.
B. A student, apparently thinking I am an idiot, changed five words from a paragraph on Sparknotes and thought this was sufficient mental effort on his part to get a grade for it. So he turned it in on turnitin.com. Really. Really.
C. This student said "This is bullshit" when I informed him that he would not receive credit for the assignment and no, he could not just redo it and get the points (Have I mentioned previously that plagiarism, in addition to making more work for me, REALLY, REALLY makes me angry? And you don't want to see me when I'm angry.) He then argued with me when I told him to go down to the office. NOW. Did I mention that this physically imposing child likes to loom over me and also only asks me questions when I'm sitting down? I need to bring back the "step into my office" chair.
D. While I was talking the kids through the plot of A Midsummer Night's Dream (Geez-heck, do I love that play!), a girl sitting in the front row was texting. I made eye contact, asked her to "put it on my desk," and then kept talking. When I was done and we were transitioning, I said, "[Insert child's name here], set the phone on my desk."
"It's not a phone, it's an i-Thingy."
"I don't care what it is. Set it on my desk."
"It's not mine."
"It doesn't matter. Set it on my desk."
"But I'm leaving right after lunch, so can you bring it to the office right away so I can get it back?"
"I will bring it to the office at lunch. Set it on my desk."
"[Insert under-the-breath sigh of deep suffering and snottiness here.]"
E. Fast-forward five minutes.
Same child: "Can I go to the bathroom?"
"Is it an emergency? There are only ten minutes until lunch and I don't want you to miss what we are doing."
"I have to go NOW."
F. Fast forward to the lunch bell. I see the SAME DARN CHILD ask another student to write a note and sign it for her. IS SHE KIDDING ME?
After I drop her phone off and mention my suspicion that she has forged a note to leave to the attendance secretary,I run into the girl who was doing the signing.
"Hey, [Insert generally pretty straight-laced student's name here], what was [Apparently a Rebel Without A Freaking Cause] asking you to write?"
"It was a note. I'm sorry. Am I in trouble?"
[Insert call to mother of said rebel using up my lunch period.]
G. 3.5 hours after school calling of parents whose scholars did not see fit to turn in the essay that was due before Christmas.
H. The dog pooped in his kennel.
I'm going to lay down, and maybe move to Australia.